Over the past year or so Disneyland has been rolling out a series of "new" monorails, which appear to be Mark V's dressed in Mark VII clothing (but good luck getting the straight dope out of anyone), that have been fraught with defects.
When the upgraded Monorail Red made its debut it could hardly complete a circuit before having to be towed back to the monorail barn, which has been re-purposed into a kind of intensive care unit for one-rail trains these days. It appears that not one of the engineers who designed the goddamn thing could be bothered to take out a ruler and go to Disneyland to measure how large the existing track actually was. When the time came to test their fantastic designs, the monorail actually scrapped the loading platforms in Tomorrowland and Downtown Disney and lacked the ability to navigate those pesky little things called turns.
When they figured out how to make it go, another problem reared its ugly head. During the Summer the monorails became so hot that no human being could actually survive in one. The monorail was not allowed to carry passengers on days when the temperature exceeded a certain amount. To fix the problem, they cut big holes in the windows in order to increase air flow so that by the time I finally take a ride on one my face is pelted with pouring rain throughout the two and a half mile journey to Generic Outdoor Mall and back.
When the upgraded Monorail Red made its debut it could hardly complete a circuit before having to be towed back to the monorail barn, which has been re-purposed into a kind of intensive care unit for one-rail trains these days. It appears that not one of the engineers who designed the goddamn thing could be bothered to take out a ruler and go to Disneyland to measure how large the existing track actually was. When the time came to test their fantastic designs, the monorail actually scrapped the loading platforms in Tomorrowland and Downtown Disney and lacked the ability to navigate those pesky little things called turns.
When they figured out how to make it go, another problem reared its ugly head. During the Summer the monorails became so hot that no human being could actually survive in one. The monorail was not allowed to carry passengers on days when the temperature exceeded a certain amount. To fix the problem, they cut big holes in the windows in order to increase air flow so that by the time I finally take a ride on one my face is pelted with pouring rain throughout the two and a half mile journey to Generic Outdoor Mall and back.
Next time you want a monorail designed, get this jerk off. His monorail can actually navigate the track!
Bob Gurr, largely responsible for anything that moved on wheels at Disneyland during its early years, is still alive, so he's not exactly spinning in his grave, but I think when he finally kicks the bucket he'll be spinning into his grave, considering how much they screwed up this monorail project.
The Mark VII debacle highlights an overall problem that Disney has not been able to shake off, a lack of vision.
Instead of investing in a true rapid transit network for Disneyland, they decided to build these "new" monorails on the cheap. Their design is pathetic. Their roll out was botched. There is no net benefit to the average resort guest who doesn't give a damn that the monorail now looks more retro and phallic. Island seating and neon lighting. This is the effing future right here. How about designing a monorail that is, you know, useful?
The Mark VII debacle highlights an overall problem that Disney has not been able to shake off, a lack of vision.
Instead of investing in a true rapid transit network for Disneyland, they decided to build these "new" monorails on the cheap. Their design is pathetic. Their roll out was botched. There is no net benefit to the average resort guest who doesn't give a damn that the monorail now looks more retro and phallic. Island seating and neon lighting. This is the effing future right here. How about designing a monorail that is, you know, useful?
Obligatory screenshot from that one episode.
How about tearing down the old track and replacing it with a new network that would connect the parks, the hotels, the major parking lots and the 3rd gate? Imagine stations in the Esplanade, the Disneyland Hotel, the Mickey and Friends parking structure and the 3rd gate, at the very least. It's not like there isn't a precedent for this sort of thing at Disney parks. Walt Disney World is renowned for its monorail network that connects two parks, a handful of hotels and has been largely abandoned since the 80s. Wait, there's the precedent I was looking for. The Walt Disney Company simply doesn't care about the monorail anymore.
No, that's too Walt Disney for them.
There is no vision at The Walt Disney Company. Any vision that remains at WDI has been snuffed by blind executives. These guys can only see as far as the next focus group full of blithering middle-American idiots who wouldn't know WED from their own fat scooter-riding asses.
For those of you that still go to Disneyland, enjoy parking next to the strawberry field if you dare to visit the park on a busy weekend. The International Disney parks all happen to be within walking distance of a train station. It seems that everybody in the civilized world has embraced modern rapid rail transit except for Disney and the United States.
Looking toward the future. That's too Walt Disney for 'em.
