Tuesday, February 3, 2009

The Best of Both Worlds

One of the arguments often spouted by those in favor of the addition of Jack Sparrow to Pirates of the Caribbean is based on a fear that guests who are familiar with only the movie version of the famous attraction will ride and furrow their brows in a vain attempt to understand why Sparrow was not present during the experience.

Of course, we could explain to them that Pirates of the Caribbean was in fact built long before the movie entered production, but that would be far too difficult. Following the logic of the argument, I suppose it was much easier to stoop to the lowest common denominator and simply add Jack Sparrow to the legendary boat ride. The extra revenue from all the new pirate junk Disney could sell at the exit was just the icing on the cake.

I've been wondering, why doesn't it go both ways?

Alright, hear me out. Let's say the Alice in Wonderland ride isn't relevant anymore. I've got the fix. A new character!

They should add one of those hammer birds but this one should be a wisecracking hammer bird with an attitude. And throughout the attraction he makes wisecracks like, "NAILED 'EM, ALICE!" because he's a hammer, you see, and when he hits one of those playing card dudes that defend the queen he goes, "BUY WAR BONDS." and they don't paint the roses red anymore but red, white, and blue. Go America.

The character becomes a smash hit and lines go through the roof, literally. People have to stand on ladders because there is just no more room on the ground. At annual passholder previews a record amount of churros are consumed. Hammer birds become the new plush sensation.

So why not take that new character and insert him into Alice and Wonderland: The Movie, re-release it, and burn all old copies of the original film? I mean, if I'm riding Alice in Wonderland and see a wisecracking hammer bird thing with an attitude, I'm going to be confused if I watch the movie and he's not there.

Let's add a whole bunch of other Disney characters to Peter Pan's Flight and then let's desecrate the classic Peter Pan movie by adding those new characters to it. Why not? We'll be rich! Let's add Disney characters to every ride! When I'm riding Splash Mountain in a Disney theme park, I expect to see the Three Caballeros. There's no excuse.

Wait a second, didn't people get pissed when they released horrible straight-to-video sequels of classic animated Disney movies? So why don't they get pissed when classic attractions designed by WED are given cheap makeovers under the illusion of progress? When George Lucas changed his films, he never heard the end of it. But when someone messes with Walt Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean, those who speak up are told to get a life.

Yeah.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

"those who speak up are told to get a life."

Look at yourself lol. You're bordering on psychotic defenses for yourself now! You're so wrapped up about everything you hate about Disney you're crossing them over left and right and spitting out senseless dribble that screams "Please listen to me! I'm not happy!"

That is why you need a life.

Spokker said...

Photo credit: http://flickr.com/photos/andycastro/3246187392/

Spokker said...

Do you have any rebuttal for my arguments? Why not go back and add Disney characters to classic animated films and re-release them?

Anonymous said...

Why even give you the pleasure of commenting on your insensible crap?

You're so convoluted in your 'arguments' you don't make any sense.

Spokker said...

I see. You don't have a thing to say.

Anonymous said...

Guess not.

So, does that then support your 'arguement' for not having Disney characters in IASW?

That's what it's all about anyways. You post crap on here when you're upset at stuff on MI.

Spokker said...

I'm not upset about anything.

That's what you people do. Anybody who has something to say that you disagree with you mischaracterize as being upset or crazy or whatever.

People often have trouble reading sarcasm and emotion online because after all, this is just text. So how do you do it?

Anonymous said...

Not upset? Pffffft.

You blew up earlier today on MI lol. Unfortunately they shut you up before you could add a little more and get banned.

Spokker said...

"Unfortunately they shut you up before you could add a little more and get banned."

They shut you- I mean, someone else up too.

Anonymous said...

After you blew up and caused them to do something.Notice how everything was perfectly fine until you showed your ugly face and went nuts.

Spokker said...

LOL, so you are stalking me everywhere. YouTube, Blue Sky Disney, here. Nice.

Anonymous said...

Stalk? Hardly. You show up on MI (I was there first), then u pop onto bluesky (I was there first), then I run across your comment on that youtube vid from micechat (garuntee everyone on the disney boards saw that). Also, hard to ignore this shit hole when people talk about shutting it down on bluesky and you have it linked from MI.

You feel special?

BTW, changing the subject doesn't ignore the fact that you blew up on MI this morning. Mr. "I'm not upset" pffffft.

Spokker said...

Why are you getting so angry? Calm down, bro.

Cory Gross said...

I get the argument... Add the octopus and Wendy's daughter from Return to Neverland to Peter Pan's Flight. Give Alice in Wonderland a Tim Burton makeover... Why stop at making Pirates "relevant"?